No one likes asking for help.
Might it be that, in the recent words of a friend, that ‘help’ has become a deficit word in parts of Western culture?
Does it come from a place of ‘less' or 'less than'?
'Helping' rings with notions of servanthood at best, and slavery at worse for people around the world. Depending on our experiences, offering, or needing ‘help' can feel negative or even violent. Because it has been.
Maybe that is part of the reason why we often get a funny feeling about asking for help, offering help, or receiving help.
You know that feeling, right?
(Like those five dads I watched last weekend at the local little league playground as a kid (not belonging to any of them, evidently) wailed after falling off those evil-spider-web-playground-things. They all stared at the boy, frozen in helplessness when help was exactly what was needed, until his mom came to help. God help us dads!)
Or what about the feeling when we need help ourselves? That one is even more funky.
We find ourselves approaching the intersection of needing help, we cannot muster the courage to admit it, our body feels shame about not being able to figure it out on our own, our cheeks get rosy, we feel queasy and then we blurt out:
“I DON'T NEED (aka want) YOUR HELP!”
Some of us have three-year-olds who tell us this.
Others of us have teams that think this way and experience our ‘help' as such. And guess what? They want to scream too.
Sherpa’s that Practice World Class With-ness
As Process Consultants, how can we reshape helping toward wholeness? How can we help in a way that is psychologically safe for our Clients? How can we consultant without being dominant or culturally prescriptive? How can we help Clients lead their teams with authenticity and love?
Can we be people who invite help? And offer help in a collaborative manner?
How do we help Clients lead in a workplace where information is increasingly free (wow ChatGPT), and authentic relationships are increasingly rare?
Though I relate more with a polar bear on an icy beach in the Arctic than a mountain man, I do love the role and imagery of the Sherpa on Mt. Everest. Sherpas practice world-class with-ness and help unlike anyone else in the world as far as I know!
As Process Consultants, we view our work with Clients like a Sherpa might approach coming alongside a climber; through transformative partnership, discovering creative solutions to address the real challenges Clients are facing today.
In real-time. As tomorrow becomes today. As an unexpected storm threatens to blow us off this mountain of a vision you have for your business.
To help shoulder the load, to carry the complexity next to our Clients, to climb the sometimes-steep-and-rocky path of leadership as a trusted advisor, as the winds shift and conditions change overnight, adapting as we go, pointing out obstacles, and transforming our collective future, together.
We love to come alongside world-class leaders in that way.
Just like that vital relationship between the Sherpa and the mountain climber.
Our Clients don't need another leadership book, a how-to guide, another organizational development podcast, another weekend conference, or another free webinar.
They need PEOPLE. Good people. Who listen. Who carry their expertise and experience with them in a way that doesn't hinder their ability to help carry the load of the Client toward their own vibrancy and organizational future. And a thriving future at that!
(Our Clients need another training module like a mountaineer needs another trip to the REI for more dehydrated mangoes or 12 more bags of ostrich jerky.)
They don’t need any of that. So what do they actually need?
A Sherpa. They are missing a guide. They will never make it up that mountain themselves. They need someone who knows the way and can help navigate adaptive challenges with ease, care, and a non-anxious presence.
That’s us.
We Are The People, People. As Process Consultants, we admire the Sherpa like none other!
As Sherpas, can we lead the charge and think about ‘help' in a collaborative way instead of a deficit way?
Helping is Not:
- Doing something the Client does not want to do themselves.
- Process Consultant says: "You are the one who wants to climb this mountain!"
- Process Consultant says: “It would not be good for you if I did this for you, but I will do it with you."
- Doing something for a Client when they have all the resources to do it themselves.
- Process Consultant says: "Giving you a piggyback ride up this mountain would be risky. I am happy to climb with you through the challenges and help you become an even better adaptive leader."
- Overcomplicating things or using sales jargon to look smart.
- Process Consultant says: "There is the top. We will walk, together, to get there."
- A "One Size Fits All" approach that provides cookie cutter and templated solutions.
- Process Consultant says: "Hey - those boots look a little small and thought they worked for the last person who climbed this mountain, they are going to kill your feet! Let's find some that are a better fit."
- Thinking about Clients as charity cases
- Process Consultant says: "I’m not going to check my education, my experience, or my superpowers at the door, nor am I going to lord it over you. Because your dreams, your success, and supporting your vision for the future is our greatest honor and joy, we see you as gifted and capable teammates."
- Enabling organizations to continue to repeat mistakes from their past.
- We support businesses and organizations that help human flourishing. Period.
- Sacrificing long-term implications for short-term wins.
- Pretending that we are more of an expert in your context than you are.
- You get the picture!
We Are The People, People.
Our Clients usually have most of the information and gear it takes for the trip. The biggest thing they are missing is the right combination of people; an authentic team, a community of care, and a good guide or two,
We all need streams of encouragement and accountability (good people!), coaching (solid relationships!), and less information and more presence from people around us.
We need a handful of world-class companions to walk the rocky road of accountability, care, goal-setting, and burden-sharing alongside of us, don't we?
We need ongoing and world-class "with-ness.”
Here are some things you might hear us say as we center helping Clients as Process Consultants:
- "We notice the trail and the load you are carrying - and it’s tough. Let’s take a break and reassess the vision and strategy as we redistribute that load. The path looks like it gets steeper ahead."
- "The way is complex - more ice and unknown areas of crevices around the corner. I’ll carry some of the complexity, and you carry some too - we will walk the trail together.”
- “We know we will have succeeded if you don't get frostbite this year."
- "I’ve been up this mountain 17 times over the last 24 years. But not today - with this wind direction and with you. I’m bringing all of myself into this - let’s do it!"
- "I don't have anything fancy to add to your backpack. I do not think it is going to take more information, fancy gear, or fluff. How about we help you shed the weight and get rid of some things in your systems and structures? What if we spent some time look for emerging relationships and technologies that could help you simplify you as you look toward a more vibrant future?"
We serve organizations that support human flourishing. We look at the leadership of nonprofit and for-profit alike, knowing that leadership development is similar across all organizational forms. We help universities and institutions of higher ed, churches, peace-building organizations in high-tension areas, executive leadership circles, boards, construction companies, after-school programs, community organizations, associative bodies, family trusts and offices, founder transitions, CEO searches, sports clubs and organizations.
By helping, We DO MEAN anything that leads to personal and organizational flourishing:
- Deepening Relationships
- Authentic Decision Making
- Elite Empowerment of You
- No Strings Cultures of Generosity
- Deep Care for You and Your Team
- Sharing the Burden/Carrying the Load/Pulling the Wagon
- A Sherpa Team Culture
We love to help leaders and organizations transform for a vibrant future. It’s the thing that makes our hearts beat a bit faster when we have the privilege to sherpa Clients to the mountaintop of their dreams. We love when the smells, sounds, thoughts, notions, and trends take hold inside of us somewhere and then become part of the very essence of our beings.
When people are near us, they notice this. And now, we pass this essence on to you!
We notice people like you as well. Brave people who have trained their whole lives for this very day. People who have vision as big as the universe, and whose friends laugh at them for their optimism and willingness to dive into the deep end of solving problems.
We know you have dreamed this very dream for years; decades even. We know you have what it takes. And we know that the path is unknown in many places, and it’s a lot to carry alone.
A mountaintop is within our line of sight - yet seemingly out of reach.
Let’s walk closer until we can reach this one together, shall we?
Kevin Eastway
Design Group International
Senior Consultant
The core competencies of process consulting have been developed and are taught by the Society for Process Consulting. If you are interested in receiving your credential in process consulting please visit our website.
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