February Post - DGI Blog Post Image (1)

Mary Oliver writes of her dog Percy: "For when he sniffed, it was as if he were being pleased by every part of the world." There it is. Listening. Listening? Yes, listening. Whole-body. Whole self. Wholly engaged, attentive, present: being with oneself and other(s) - together being with the stuff that emerges.

For dogs, unlike you and me, the nose knows everything...the animal that passed that way, and who they are, and from whence they came. The scent says "friend" or "foe." The place of it says "safe" or "danger." The frequency says, "stay alert" or "never mind." The shape and texture say "large" or "small," "kibbles," or "freshly ground chicken." Lingering long says, "Hmm...Aaah…Aha." Observe a dog listening with their nose and rejoice at their pure, singular focus. The scent and the thing that holds the smell and the dog (and perhaps you) in the moment.

DGI - Core Competency #2

Listening conceptually and contextually engages our singular attentiveness and intention. Our Self categorically focuses heart, mind, body, spirit. We choose presence. We choose to be with the one or the many who express themselves, speaking, singing, joying, and lamenting: communicating.


What, we wonder, are they trying to make sense of, or honor, or fix, or grieve, or describe, or refute, or create...? To listen conceptually and contextually takes a posture of curiosity and exploration. It demands a certain discipline and courage to not jump quickly to knowing, for as often as one may believe they have been here before, you and I have not been here, in this moment with this / these person(s). Their context and their conception of it are theirs, not ours. We linger long. We engage our whole self. We listen to understand, drop down into their knowing in service to their knowing more clearly and deeply the nature of their cause, it's shape and texture, it's purpose and hope. We linger long. Curious, exploring: an empathetic ethnographer, a spiritual and emotional anthropologist. Lingering long, we join with them.

Lingering long, we also take measure of the conceptions and contexts that are contained in our Self. Our body remembers and knows. I am a white male, working-class upbringing, ethnically mixed, identifying as Italian, early in life acquainted with loss and hardship. My body's story, my Self, always impinges, always joins with - if indeed I am being with others. Dear one, listening to my Self taxes me deeply and humbles me completely, for here I show my heart. Perhaps this is true for you also? Call it alertly self-aware; feel it as if slipping comfortably into your own skin. When one experiences being with one's own inner context and conceptions, one's life becomes an empathetic onramp to the other(s). How is this so?

Discipline and courage. Attentiveness and intention. In the moment before listening, make plain to yourself your Self. Take a deep breath. Notice your body sensations, your thoughts, your feelings. Note your judgments, bias, opinion, pride. Note your worry, anxiety, fear. Name your posture: being with. Name your goal: listening conceptually and contextually to help the other(s) to advance their hoped-for outcomes: to understand. Always: be yourself. No more. No less. Share your heart.

Pause with me for a moment. If this seems evocative but not practical, bring to mind the National events since the Presidential and Vice-Presidential election in November 2020. Now drop down into your vocational practice and your responsibility to advance your work and your organization's work. What are you noticing?

In my place of service, near-term administrative tasks, where focus and concentration are essential, are less efficient, and far-term planning and dreaming are less effective. So too accomplishing near-term goals and objectives. Everything takes longer. The scent of what now?! overpowers all else. Why? A "stolen" election, an "insurrectionist mob," a fraught transfer of power, and at this writing, the United States President impeached for a second time. All are the emotional and intellectual content running underneath and through my work and my organization and her leaders.

In a recent planning meeting with a new Board President, listening contextually and conceptually included: acknowledging (to myself) my grief, outrage, and worry; then choosing to be with my Board President, attuned to the heavyweight of their emotions, currents causing erratic focus and uncertainty. "I've never done this job before," they said. "Let me ask you this…" they said. "There is so much I need to learn!" they said. "I have a note on something important – where did I write that done?!" they said, flipping pages back and forth through a notebook. "O'K, what have I agreed to do, and what are you taking care of?" they said.

Listening conceptually and contextually kept me with them. I listened to understand. They desire perfection, a need for certainty, a pragmatic temperament, and a passion for empowering and equipping others. New possibilities and practical advancement energize them. They are principled: this organization has a role in speaking into the fraught National scene. Hmmm...Aaah...Aha.

This time my emotional content did not hijack my listening! I brought intention. I stayed attentive. I have a deepened awareness of their need; it's shape and texture, purpose, and hope. I have a fuller appreciation of who they are and how I can help them live into their leadership role with confidence and competence.

And here's the wonder. The emotional and practiced table you set settles everyone. The one who arrives in their fear journeys to guarded openness. The one who arrives estranged, overcome, clenched, disconnected, absent, lost? They encounter you: not perfect, yet wholly and completely yourself. They experience emotional grace space, and it's an invitation to practice conceptual and conceptual listening too.

And so, at last, having listened in this way, we walk alongside the one whose story we are privileged to hear ... "pleased," as Mary Oliver observed, "with every part of (their) world."

 

Being with you, as you are with others,

Arlen Signature

Arlen Vernava Headshot 300x300Arlen G. Vernava
Design Group International
Senior Design Consultant, MDiv., PTS, EPC

Dig Deeper:
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Process Consulting competencies identified and implemented through
the Society for Process Consulting.

 

 

Arlen Vernava
Post by Arlen Vernava
February 3, 2021
I walk alongside leaders, listening to understand their challenges, and helping them lead healthy organizations that flourish.

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