With all of the talking, is anyone listening?

With all of the talking, is anyone listening?

It can be very hard to listen. Even for those of us who listen for a living.

In order to listen to someone, you have to do several very important things first, including:

1. Breathe deeply to bring yourself into the moment. Pausing in this way allows you to be present for the person to whom you are listening. This also immediately honors them.
2. Close your computer and put away your phone. Doing so will help you focus on their face, the words they are using, and the emotion in their voice.
3. See them as a whole person. In order to listen comprehensively to another human we must see them as a whole being, not a half person, or someone that needs to be fixed.

I was on a coaching call with a Client the other day. The agenda for the call was to help them further integrate a new governance model for their board of governors. A complex agenda.

As we the call started, they were talking very quickly about what had just happened to them and their team, hardly taking a breath. This stream lasted for a few minutes. I just listened and didn’t say a word.

As I was listening, my immediate reaction was, Wow, something is really going on for them. We might need to slow things down a little. So, I took a deep breath and interrupted them and said, “Hey, I’d like to hit the pause button on our conversation and invite you to close your eyes and take a few minutes to catch your breath.”

Their immediate response was “Oh, thank you. I needed that.”

After two minutes of silence on the phone (which can be longer than you think), I reinitiated the conversation going towards what was present with them and not our agenda…that had to come later. That two minutes of silence made all the difference in the world.

We live in an age of distraction

We live in a world of talkers

Even shouters

Many of whom are not listening

Not even trying to listen

We need time to be quiet, to be still, and to listen

Listening is how we see deeply the person we are with

Listening is how we can know them

And know them very well

Let’s be about all that.

Mind how you go,

Lon L. Swartzentruber

Managing Partner and CEO

PS: If you would like to learn more about the skills of listening, please feel free to call me at 616.516.9870 or e-mail me at lons@designgroupintl.com. You can also use this link to schedule a 30-minute Zoom call. I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

 PSS: Please join other leaders at a Resting Retreat on May 7 & 8 at GilChrist Retreat Center in Three Rivers, Michigan. This retreat is designed to slow things down. To create space to rest, just be, and not do. Click this link to learn more and sign up today.

What I’m reading these days:

David Brooks: How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

Kenneth Cohen: Honoring the Medicine: The Essential Guide to Native American Healing.

(Re-reading) Karen and Henry Kimsey-House: Co-Active Leadership