The Power of Self-Affirmation
Part 1
I Think Therefore I Am…
(But who am I am?)...completing Descartes’ 1637 sentence.
The weathered yellow post-it note declares, “I am a GREAT mother, and my kids are LUCKY to have me!!!
This positive self-affirmation hangs on my toddler grandson’s bedroom door and has adorned the room through two older siblings' years of calling this particular room theirs. Their mom, Brenna, wrote the note and has kept it there over these years when the days are long and the years pass quickly. She says she initially hung it on the door because she heard of the affirmation idea and thought it might help her mindset as she too often “beats herself up for her failures…” She has observed that simply reading and viewing this affirming statement is a physical reminder to challenge the thought train of being a failure. And although she doesn't notice the message for many days- when she does - it surprises her and feels impactful once again to “remind myself that I am enough!” Brenna reflects further on this positive self-affirmation sharing, “Probably even feeling like I could write it was important.”
A different granddaughter is given a small note to keep in front of her, reading it to herself often during her school tests. Her mom, Chelsey, wrote it, inscribing, “I am smart. I am capable. I am loved.”
I get on airplanes, combatting my claustrophobia by mumbling under my breath, “I am going to THRIVE on this trip, not just survive” as I cross from the jetway to inside the airplane.
As we begin 2024, what makes up your self-talk?
What are you saying to yourself? What connection does your self-talk have to do with your outcomes? Like Brenna, I’ve had self-affirmations on my wall for a few years. They are still true, and I want to practice anew reading and stating them more frequently to let the belief of me being Not Afraid, Trim, and Proud ring true through my being.
Dr. Mark Baker, psychologist, often reminds his clients that negative thoughts stick like Velcro. Why? Historically, there’s an evolutionary reason to be wary and ever cognizant of the possibility of the lion in the brush. It was safer in times past to imagine that the rattling of the shrubbery was hiding something ferocious instead of just the branches rustling in the wind. Understandably, your mind tries to stick those negative outcomes into your thought processes. Do you beat yourself up with negative thoughts, or what is impossible for you in this situation? What are your default responses to yourself when something doesn't work out? Can you smile and laugh about it after being sad or mad for a brief moment? Or do apparent failures leave your countenance in the toilet for a day or two? Without stopping and examining our self-talk, we can too easily live in defense, constantly hiding from the imaginary yet rare lions instead of experiencing the expansive envisioning of what can be. Indeed, as Frank Sinatra sang- the best is yet to come!
James Clear, author, explains how effective change truly happens when we set up habits that aid us in believing who we wish to become or are. The most sustainable change happens toward our desired state when we truly believe in who we are (even as we are constantly in a state of perfecting). The self-belief, the message we tell ourselves, is not just what we will get (accomplish) or what we put in place to help us be successful (process) but indeed who we say we ARE. Part of becoming who we want to be (the sustainable change we desire) through self-affirming statements is building habits in this most effective change method.
The weakest effort of change is action based on Outcomes.
I will lose weight. (It’s what I ‘get.’)
The middle effort of change is action based on setting up Processes.
I now have a gym membership. (It’s what I do.)
The deepest or most effective method of change is built on one’s perceived Identity.
I am a healthy person. (It’s what I believe.) - The Change Process from James Clear from Atomic Habits.
Consider your dreams and hopes for 2024. Are you willing to imagine you are “that” person instead of aiming only for your outcome goal? Like, Brenna, can you state you are a GREAT mom even when you’re tempted to feel like a failure? Your brain is listening and responds more positively to having a positive identity than just accomplishing milestones. (Let’s do both!- but one precedes the other.)
I love Dr. Mark Baker’s work through the Mygrow platform on self-perception in developing our emotional intelligence. Through the self-perception wheel of EQ, he adeptly makes the case for how deeply our subconscious affects our ways of interacting with our environment. We all have different lenses based on our pasts and the voices that have helped shape our outlook today. Dr. Baker often states that the “neurons that fire together wire together.” We need intentional rewiring by jumping on the bandwagon of what positive truths exist. We must commit to countering any negative limiting beliefs of who we are and how such affects what we can or can’t do in 2024. And YES, we all have amazing and unique gifts we need to hear ourselves celebrate. We must speak forth our values, what we know in our deepest being that we care greatly about, and from whose foundations we exist to live out our truths. What strengths do you bring that perhaps your neighbor needs that will make your corner of the world shine a little brighter?
You make the world better when you are truly your positive self (and are not just hiding from the lions). What was written on your billboard or name tag (Dr. Baker) that introduced you to others in your past? Is it the same? Has it changed? In Dr. Baker’s EQ growth work, participants are encouraged in one segment to list self-affirmations and say them multiple times between engagements on the Mygrow app. Building emotional intelligence includes rewiring our brains to believe - like Clear’s work highlights- that we “are” the embodiment of our strengths. We don’t just “do” good things. Here’s what I’ve been affirming in myself to strengthen my neural connections for positivity:
I am an intense cherisher of my family, shown through my commitment to spending time blessing them every day through prayer, well wishes, and acts of love and service when we’re together or apart.
I am kind in words and by exhibiting patience with others. I will be curious about their well-being and authentically care for them by watching for their inclusion, scanning their body language, and responding accordingly. They are human, and therefore I care.
I am a champion for teamwork. I am one who acts on my belief that all our voices together produce a better outcome. I will collaborate whenever I have a chance at work or home to include others, gain a better outcome, and invite unique giftedness in others who may bring different abilities than mine.
I am optimistic. I believe there are gifts and learning opportunities in all experiences- failures and successes, pain and joy. The Stallion story is true. Each outcome contains a gift to teach me something I can use to become a better human. I am optimistic in all aspects of life.
I am a learner and educator and have a plethora of ideas to help others brainstorm. I enjoy research and do so on behalf of others to resource and educate. Ideation and structuring engagement are strengths of mine as part of my creativity and problem-solving gifts.
I am committed to creating equitable opportunities. I make available inroads to all who cross my path to grasp the opportunity to be seen and heard and to offer engagement with whatever is within my purview to invite.
Like ‘ole blue eyes, Frank Sinatra sang...
the best is yet to come. I believe it. Do you?
Engaging this positive mindset makes a difference in unlocking our full potential for using our transforming influence for the greatest good throughout 2024.
Look for next month’s blog for part 2 of this positive self-affirmation series. We’ll dig deeper into the benefits of self-affirmation and some science behind it. Meanwhile, I’d love to hear YOUR positive self-affirmations and the stories that birthed these beauties. Drop me a line.
Transforming influence alongside you,
Things to Explore:
The Best is Yet to Come sung by Mr. Blue Eyes himself (my mom’s heartthrob) - Frank Sinatra. This title is inscribed on Frank Sinatra’s tombstone. This is a 1959 song composed by Cy Colesman with lyrics by Carolyn Leigh. Frank recorded it on his 1964 album, It Might As Well Be Swing. An interesting piece of trivia is that this was the last song Frank sang in public on Feb. 25, 1995. “The Best is Yet to Come” was published by Edwin H. Morris & Co. in 1959.
Atomic habits: tiny changes, remarkable results: an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones by James Clear. New York, New York, Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House. Check out the descriptions of how taking on the identity of the desired habit you desire brings about the most sustainable and significant change.
MyGrow is this fantastic team of caring individuals committed to raising the emotional intelligence of the world through engagement in our businesses, community groups, and family sets. I am one of their North American champions and can connect you with a 30-day free trial to acquaint yourself with how the app and program work. The goal is for us as individuals to develop how we show up for ourselves and our team members for the greatest good, and then together, when multiple team members are doing their own development work- we soar! How about you and your team try it on for size and reflect before and afterward on their engagement, happiness, and productivity? Contact me at dawnyg@designgroupintl for the link for the free 30-day trial.
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